Happiness - The Ironman "Let Down" and Lessons for everyone who wants to be happy.

-- the picture is just a reminder of what truly makes me happy--

On September 9th I accomplished a goal that I've had since around 1999/2000 (I can't remember the exact date that I put it down on paper but somewhere around then). I finished an Ironman Triathlon. I swam 2.4 miles, I biked 112 miles and I ran 26.2 miles all in 11 hours and 12 minutes.

What a great accomplishment and milestone in my life! But the question that I've been dealing with for the past week and a half is this; If accomplishing a goal like that meant so much to me, after sacrificing so many hours of my life, after sacrificing financial rewards and stability, after involving so many friends and family in my circle of support - why do I feel so empty?

If you read my analysis of the race results you will see that even then I was having a little difficulty enjoying what had just happened. Enjoying the moment.

I don't want everyone to think that I'm walking around all depressed and feeling sorry for myself, that's not true. But I do have this inner feeling that makes me feel like I should have enjoyed the finish a little more than I did.

Possibly the fact that I'm not really satisfied is a good thing, from a performance perspective. The dissatisfaction might be a strong motivator for me to train this winter and race more in 2008. That personality characteristic just might be an ingredient that exists in the personality profile of champion athletes.

I don't have clear answers to these ideas, I have a lot more questions. Here's a big one; If I'm not as happy as I want to be right now, What will give me a "10" on the happiness meter?

A book that I've been reading has put some light on this subject, Stumbling on Happiness. The book isn't a self help manual or workbook that leads you to happiness, so if you need help finding happiness, this is not a whole lot of help. But the author (Daniel Gilbert) does go through all the issues that humans face when trying to find happiness. The following are some interesting ideas that I've pulled from book that have helped me put my Ironman experience in context. Maybe they'll help you understand your little journey too:

1. We commonly do things now so that our future selves will be happy. But how well do we know our future selves? How well do we know what will make us happy in the future? -- We all think we know exactly will make us happy in the future. We are almost always wrong. -- So even if I won an Ironman, would that give me a 10. What are you chasing to be happy?

2. When people day dream they see themselves succeeding rather than fumbling or failing. -- This makes sense, why would you want to day dream about failure? The issue that I see becoming a problem is that when we day dream we rarily inject any reality into those dreams. Or, we may not set forth a plan that would help those day dreams become a reality. -- How many Ironman goals are just day dreams that are not based upon any signal / sign of real events. i.e. my cycling times at Wisconisn. -- I had a major problem seperating day dreaming in high school in relation to basketball. Unfortunatley a lot of day dreaming occured during games! I had troubles seperating out the thoughts of the crowd (girls) and actually competing. Good thing I've matured?

3. Fear and anxiety can prove to be a powerful motivator.

4. "When we imagine the future, we often misimagine the future events whose emotional consequence we are attempting to weigh." Therefore when we actually experience that future event we maybe in a position of dissappointment. -- I think this is a big reason why people always look toward the future in general and feel like it will be better than today (unless there is serious depression), the ability to find happiness is to realize the "now". Today can make us happy. We can become fulfilled today.

5. "Researchers have discovered that when people find it easy to imagine an event they overestimate the likelihood that it will actually occur..... we tend to overestimate the likelihood that good events will actually happen to us, which leads us to be unrealistically optimistic about our futures." -- Yikes!

To finish my notes from this book for now I'll share a quote the author shared from Blaise Pascal (philosopher and mathematician):

"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even those who hang themselves."

Will winning an Ironman make me happy? Probably not. Not if I can't find a way to be happy with where I'm at right now as a triathlete. I may say that it would make me happy, but remember, we are all pretty poor at determining what will make us happy in the future. It isn't always better tomorrow, so start living today.

Spend some time in prayer, meditate for 10 minutes, tell someone you love them and mean it, go have the most passionate sex you can, spend some time helping someone ... those things are not goals, you can't "accomplish" them - but you can do them today. You can be happy.

Einstein, Relativity and Triathlon Training.

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein

I recently began reading the new biography on Einstein written by Walter Isaacson called, Einstein: His Life and Universe. I wanted to read the book to learn some basic facts about the man, but I have also gained some insight into the world of triathlon too. (Of course I had to be looking for it, but hopefully it's entertaining / insightful none-the-less.)

The first theory of relativity that Einstein provided was called "special relativity." (He later came up with his general relativity theory.) The take home idea from special relativity is that if there are two objects, determining who is at rest and who is in motion is relative to the "observer" and is not an absolute. The scenario used to best describe this idea was a man sitting in an armchair versus a women in an airplane flying above. In both scenarios the same laws of physics apply, therefore each person (man and women) could consider themself at rest, while the other is in motion. Neither is right or wrong. (Isaacson, pg 107-108).

In triathlon training and racing, I believe a similar understanding of relativity can be valuable. Follow my thought process for a couple steps:

- When training with a group it can be hard to do the training appropriate for you. We ride too fast to keep up or we want the group atmosphere, so we swim a masters workout that does not address an Ironman triathletes'or an individual's needs.

- When developing a race strategy we make decisions and goals based upon what we would like (hope) to achieve. These decisions are not grounded in the honest assessment of our current fitness levels. (It would be ideal if specific workouts have been completed to assess those fitness levels... check out my last two race simulation posts as my examples: race sim #1, race sim #2). An even more frieghtening scenario is when we start setting race goals based upon our training partners' race goals, keeping in mind their race goals may not be based upon an honest assessment either.

Even worse.... basing them on ideas, reports and race strategies you see posted at online forums or blogs (even mine)!

The relativity link..

The connection between special relativity and triathlon is that there rarely is a right or wrong when it comes to training programs or race strategies, there is only an appropriate program based upon the athlete (the observer).

When we complete workouts and follow our training partners' lead we may be involving ourselves in a scenario that leaves us sitting "at rest" while our partner is reaping the benefits of the workout and maintaining momentum. The program has to be based upon the individual athlete to know for sure that progress is occurring. After all - it's all relative.

Special Ironman Wisconsin 2007 Note:

I wrote this blog entry last week, but last night (8/10/07) found myself in the middle of a conversation that made me understand this idea a little better. A group of us doing Ironman races in September were sitting around eating at a local resturant, naturally the conversation lead to: How much training we were currently doing, How much training we would do 'x' weeks out, etc. I almost began to have an internal anxiety attack, because I came to the "realization" that I wasn't doing enough.

It took a few minutes before I remembered this topic and understood that I was getting caught up in someone else's experience. Their experience was robbing me of my own. I took on the attitude that what they were doing was right and therefore my experience was less-than-positive.

I pulled myself out of that place quickly and thought back to the positives that I personally have had lately. I also realized that if I was doing the training they were talking about (25 hour specific prep weeks) I would be left to heaps of dust come September 9th. Perfect for them, not reasonable for me.

How do we know if we are "at rest" or "in motion."

There are ways that we can set up a program that encourages us to learn about ourselves enough to make those "honest assessments." Here are several that I'll share now:

- Races: A race is not only exciting, but a great testing ground to see if we have improved our fitness. Use shorter races strategically placed to enable yourself to make several observations throughout the year. Alan Couzens wrote a recent piece that includes an analysis of Jack Daniels' Formula and using racing as test. (Use the link and check it out.)

- Fitness Tests / Test Sets: Set up your own fitness test and test regularly. Gordo has talked a lot over the past year about his 3 mile aerobic run test. Some things that I use are:

• --> 3 Mile Aerobic Run w/heart rate
• --> Thursday 6.3 mile group run w/heart rate
• --> 10 x 200 yard main set
• --> 4000 meter time
• --> North Middletown Bike Ride w/out and back, heart rate/time
• --> Valley View Ferry Climb time

- Meditation: I realize this may appear to be non-physical. It may or may not be, but one thing that regularly practicing a mindful state does is open up your awareness so that you can become more aware when you are training. Instead of looking at your training partners' performance for validation of yourself, you maybe more comfortable looking within your own ability. (I do this well in training, not so well in the day-to-day).

Final Question:

Are you "in motion" or "at rest"? Remember, don't confuse movement and progress!

Talk yourself into a better triathlon performance.

It has been a long time since I made an effort to consciously work on
my mental approach to racing. The last time I remember doing anything
consistently regarding my mental approach to health, fitness or racing
performance was the 2003 season.

That season happened to be my most consistent year from a performance point-of-view and one of the healthier years in my life. Here are some thoughts that I shared back then: Mental Training - for endurance athletes.

Now that I have neglected this focus for some time, I've been reading some new
materials, re-reading some old books, going back through my journals
and just trying to re-establish some old practices, such as my mindfulness meditation practice.

It has been an effort, just like any positive behavior change - I guess.
What I would like to do is start sharing some of the thoughts and ideas
I am having and trying to implement.

Here's the first idea: Talk yourself into a better triathlon performance.

I just read Bobby McGee's book, Magical Running : A Unique Path to Running Fulfillment. If you have ever wanted to move beyond the typical sports psychology ideas, then I would suggest that you pick
up the book and work through it. It reads more like a workbook than a
text book and the practice is worth the time in my opinion.

The chapter that I seem to be going back to again and again is chapter two
- "Affirmed Running". The shortest explanation of the material is, we
are who we say we are. And this is in a very literal sense. This means
that the words and vocabulary we use to describe ourselves is who we
will become.

As I take the effort and give attention to my vocabulary, I notice some interesting things. One thing that I've noticed is that I always describe myself as a slow/weak/poor/terrible swimmer. This self description of my swimming has become habit over the years and is so common that it has become almost a joke to myself. The interesting aspect is that by characterizing myself in this way, others' perception of me is one of a poor swimmer too.

There are two aspects to this concept that I see:

1. Self-fulfilling prophecy. When we talk about ourselves in specific ways, our behaviors will commonly reinforce those attitudes. This results in our reality confirming what the perceptions of our "Self" has always been.

I usually describe myself as a poor swimmer, therefore I don't enjoy swimming. That attitude means that I often skip a swim to go run/bike or anything else. The lack of swimming reinforces my perception because I don't swim enough to improve my ability.

2. It doesn't have to be a conscious vocabulary. The example of my swimming attitudes and behaviors is easy because it is a fairly observable behavior and apparent in my conversations. But what about the conversations that I have within myself that I am not consciously aware of? Are there negative discussions about who I am, what I have become or what I want to accomplish that I am not aware of?

What about this example: A triathlete begins their training as a young adult and works themselves into great shape over a period of 5 years. They set a goal to qualify for the Ironman World Championships in Kona and it is a real possibility for them. As the race nears, they continue their efforts towards their goal, but then begin to have a little self doubt. They notice thoughts creeping in that don't support their goals. Things like,

"You can't compete against people who have trained for longer"

or

"Your competition has been doing this since childhood. How can you compete with that?"

The thoughts seemingly come from nowhere because the athlete is naturally a confident person in all areas of life. The idea here is that sometimes there may be some thoughts that are implanted or ingrained into our thinking that are not the way we perceive our self.

The key that I am learning is that positive self affirmations are an activity we need to participate in whether we think we need to or not.

Bobby McGee mentions in his book that we don't have to even believe the things we tell ourselves. Why? Because the subconscious mind is not a logical mind, it will believe and/or absorb whatever we feed it. It then leaves the conscious mind to do the analysis. This is a great lesson!

This idea isn't only valuable within athletics. I've seen positive affirmation activities used to improve one's health too. Specifically, I remember a discussion where a cancer survivor made it a habit to look at herself in a mirror everyday and speak positive affirmations about her cancer. The one I recall her saying was,

"My body is cancer free"

It didn't matter to her if it was true or not. She was trying to create a new reality.

Sharing my current affirmations:

I sat down and wrote a list of current statements that I wanted to keep in front of me on a regular basis. Here they are:

- I am a STRONG Swimmer.
- I am HEALTHY!
- I prevail and persevere when others do not.
- I have a DEEP fitness built from 9 years of training.
- I train wisely.
- I always race well and according to plan.
- I only have to be excellent in this moment, this breathe, this step, this stroke, this pedal stroke.

That's the first lesson on mental training I wanted to share. Here are two activities for you to do:

1. Make your own list of 5 positive affirmations about yourself.

2. Hang that list where you can see it daily or share it with someone who
is supportive of your goal. Share it here in the comments if nowhere
else.