Happiness - The Ironman "Let Down" and Lessons for everyone who wants to be happy.

-- the picture is just a reminder of what truly makes me happy--

On September 9th I accomplished a goal that I've had since around 1999/2000 (I can't remember the exact date that I put it down on paper but somewhere around then). I finished an Ironman Triathlon. I swam 2.4 miles, I biked 112 miles and I ran 26.2 miles all in 11 hours and 12 minutes.

What a great accomplishment and milestone in my life! But the question that I've been dealing with for the past week and a half is this; If accomplishing a goal like that meant so much to me, after sacrificing so many hours of my life, after sacrificing financial rewards and stability, after involving so many friends and family in my circle of support - why do I feel so empty?

If you read my analysis of the race results you will see that even then I was having a little difficulty enjoying what had just happened. Enjoying the moment.

I don't want everyone to think that I'm walking around all depressed and feeling sorry for myself, that's not true. But I do have this inner feeling that makes me feel like I should have enjoyed the finish a little more than I did.

Possibly the fact that I'm not really satisfied is a good thing, from a performance perspective. The dissatisfaction might be a strong motivator for me to train this winter and race more in 2008. That personality characteristic just might be an ingredient that exists in the personality profile of champion athletes.

I don't have clear answers to these ideas, I have a lot more questions. Here's a big one; If I'm not as happy as I want to be right now, What will give me a "10" on the happiness meter?

A book that I've been reading has put some light on this subject, Stumbling on Happiness. The book isn't a self help manual or workbook that leads you to happiness, so if you need help finding happiness, this is not a whole lot of help. But the author (Daniel Gilbert) does go through all the issues that humans face when trying to find happiness. The following are some interesting ideas that I've pulled from book that have helped me put my Ironman experience in context. Maybe they'll help you understand your little journey too:

1. We commonly do things now so that our future selves will be happy. But how well do we know our future selves? How well do we know what will make us happy in the future? -- We all think we know exactly will make us happy in the future. We are almost always wrong. -- So even if I won an Ironman, would that give me a 10. What are you chasing to be happy?

2. When people day dream they see themselves succeeding rather than fumbling or failing. -- This makes sense, why would you want to day dream about failure? The issue that I see becoming a problem is that when we day dream we rarily inject any reality into those dreams. Or, we may not set forth a plan that would help those day dreams become a reality. -- How many Ironman goals are just day dreams that are not based upon any signal / sign of real events. i.e. my cycling times at Wisconisn. -- I had a major problem seperating day dreaming in high school in relation to basketball. Unfortunatley a lot of day dreaming occured during games! I had troubles seperating out the thoughts of the crowd (girls) and actually competing. Good thing I've matured?

3. Fear and anxiety can prove to be a powerful motivator.

4. "When we imagine the future, we often misimagine the future events whose emotional consequence we are attempting to weigh." Therefore when we actually experience that future event we maybe in a position of dissappointment. -- I think this is a big reason why people always look toward the future in general and feel like it will be better than today (unless there is serious depression), the ability to find happiness is to realize the "now". Today can make us happy. We can become fulfilled today.

5. "Researchers have discovered that when people find it easy to imagine an event they overestimate the likelihood that it will actually occur..... we tend to overestimate the likelihood that good events will actually happen to us, which leads us to be unrealistically optimistic about our futures." -- Yikes!

To finish my notes from this book for now I'll share a quote the author shared from Blaise Pascal (philosopher and mathematician):

"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even those who hang themselves."

Will winning an Ironman make me happy? Probably not. Not if I can't find a way to be happy with where I'm at right now as a triathlete. I may say that it would make me happy, but remember, we are all pretty poor at determining what will make us happy in the future. It isn't always better tomorrow, so start living today.

Spend some time in prayer, meditate for 10 minutes, tell someone you love them and mean it, go have the most passionate sex you can, spend some time helping someone ... those things are not goals, you can't "accomplish" them - but you can do them today. You can be happy.

The personality of a champion.

This week I have been contemplating this question quite a bit - What is the personality of a champion like? There may not be a single answer to this question. In fact there probably isn't one personality type common to all champions, but I'll share my thoughts and open the topic for discussion.

Lance, Tiger and Alex

I have previously written about Alex Rodriguez in regards to his ability to perform athletically and deal with the New York fans. This week brought Rodriguez back into the sports news with his interview that caused a lot of comotion. What is the main issue with Rodriguez's interview? For me it is not that he is discussing the opt out clause in his contract, it is the fact that he is showing his need to be loved by everyone. I have always found it amazing that Rodriguez could play at the level he does, yet handle the lack of respect he appears to get from the Yankees' fans. Maybe he doesn't handle it too well. This need for fan approval was also seen in his back and forth decisions about playing in the World Baseball Classic and who he should play for.

Now compare that mentality, the need for everyone's love, to Lance Armstrong's approach to handling his decisions. In the book, Lance Armstrong's War, Coyle talks about how Lance sees everything in black and white. There are no grey areas, you are with Lance or against him. Coyle mentions how this ability to see everything in black and white allows Armstrong to make decisions quickly therefore wasting little time and energy. (It also means that those who are against him often get chewed up and left behind.) In the book, How Lance Does It, Kearns gives a similar perspective although he says that Lance has a "clarity of purpose".

Using those two examples, what does that say about the personality of a champion? I am not completely sure because Armstrong has been a successful cyclist by having a "with me or against me" attitude, but Rodriguez has been one of the best baseball players over the last ten years displaying a "please, please love me" desperation. A person could make a distinction between the two by saying that Armstrong became the best Tour de France rider of all-time, while Rodiguez hasn't been able to lift up and become a great post season player - maybe due to his inability to move past what others think of his performances?

Tiger Woods is an athlete that is commonly used as an example of performing well under pressure and possessing the mentality needed to be the best. There's a difference between Tiger's approach to the sport and Phil Mickelson's that has been discussed before in my post titled, "Planning to Fail." This difference doesn't have to do with a need to be like or not, but it does highlight something that I think might be a key personality trait shared by high performing athletes - Emotional Stability.

Elaine Breeden, Gordo Byrn, Tim Holla and others...

In the summer of 2003, I was asked to help a young swimmer out with some core strengthening and pilates. I gladly helped because I wanted the experience and because I was told that the swimmer was a motivated and talented swimmer. I ended up helping her for the summer with the core strengthening exercises and some relaxation ideas, then I began teaching the Wildcat Aquatics program for the school year. During the entire time that I helped this swimmer, there was one characteristic that I witnessed that was way above average, her maturity and emotional stability. She was only fourteen years old at the time, but she had several things going for her:

1. She knew what she wanted to accomplish.
2. She knew it would take some hard work and was willing to do it.
3. She had the emotional makeup to deal with those around her that knew she had a special talent and were giving either solicited or unsolicited advice.

One thing I shared with her were ways I found effective to prepare for races, practices or just calm myself down daily. The information I shared is - Here. Ironically, she probably already possessed a better ability to remain focused yet relaxed at fourteen than I do to this day.

The other day I was watching the Women's NCAA Swimming and Diving Championships, when I saw the highlights of the 200 meter butterfly. It was exciting to see, but not surprising at all when I realized that a freshmen swimmer for Stanford University won the race. Why wasn't it surprising to me that a freshmen won the NCAA's? Because the swimmer was Elaine Breeden, the same swimmer that had a great deal of emotional stability as a freshmen in high school.

I mentioned Gordo Byrn and Tim Hola in this discussion because of the observation I made at the Long Course Clinc last November. I mentioned then that they both possessed a "go-with-the-flow" characteristic, which could easily coincide with an emotional stabilty. This "go-with-the-flow" personality could also describe the two best local trithletes we have here in Lexington - Dave and Tony.

Finals Thoughts

Like I said in the opening, I don't know if there is a "personality of champions" but these observations have been bouncing around in my thoughts this week. It is possible that I am making too general of observations, especially when characterizing these different individuals own personalities. But from the public's eye or the brief interactions that I have with them, there appears to be a common theme.

The other possibility is that I see a lack of emotional stability in my own life, therefore want to attribute my yet_unfullfilled_goals to that lack of stability. In either case, I think it does raise a good discussion.

Here are a few questions to ponder: Can we change our personalities? Would more emotional stability in our lives allow us to train better, recover better and/or perform better? Do we see an emotional stability in those that we perceive to be "successful"?