I want to be fast and I want to be fast now!
I think I have taken my running obsession to the extreme lately. Poor Gary has to listen to my crying and moaning about my training and performance, my obsessive thoughts about heart rates, training zones, not wanting to wear a hear rate monitor, and even my body image issues. I will elaborate...
My thoughts on my training and performance:
I am so slow. I used to run this 8 mile loop 8 minutes faster. I used to be stronger up this hill. I will never be in the shape I was in when I trained for the Derby Marathon. So and So is running faster than me. Why?
What I should be thinking...
I'll tell you why! It is week 2 of my training program. I was injured. I shouldn't be where I left off several months ago. Why is this stage so hard for me? Gary also reminds me that I have only started endurance training less than 1 year ago. Why can't I be happy with what I have already done this past year? I'm working on just being content that I can actually run again, and enjoying the company of my running buddies. I am doing both, but it's hard for me not to worry about pace all the time. Maybe I should just stop running with a watch.
My thougths on heart rates/monitors:
I did a "fitness test" a few weeks ago and recorded my overall time, avg. heart rate, and max. heart rate for a run of a known distance. I was slower than a snail and my heart rate was higher than I expected. My reaction? I'm slow, out of shape, and fat! Overreact much? Gary and I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy a heart rate monitor last weekend. Did we buy one? No. Why not? Because I don't want one. Why? I don't want to see how slow, out of shape and fat I am! I even told Gary that if training in the right zones meant that I would have to walk some then I was quitting running for good. HAHA, that makes me laugh thinking about how much I can overreact sometimes. Like I am too good to walk. Who do I think I am?
What I should be thinking...
A heart rate monitor is a great tool for training and I should not fear it. So what if I need to walk some? How many times have I read about training according to my aerobic profile. This sometimes (or a lot of the time) means that I need to slow down in training in order to get faster. Why is it so hard for me to apply the theories I know to be true to my own training?
My thoughts on my body image:
Most of the time I know I am not fat. MOST of the time. However, sometimes the bathroom mirror is a funhouse mirror in which I look twice as wide. All of the girls who are faster than me are skinnier than me. If I lost 10 pounds could I run Columbus 10 minutes faster than my previous marathon?
What I should be thinking...
I am not fat. I am a healthy weight. If I lost 10 pounds I might be underweight, probably lose critical muscle mass, and be even slower than I am right now. Not everyone faster than me is skinnier than me, some may be and some may not. I'm a runner and I look good!
Some of my "should be thoughts" are easier said than done, but at least I am acknowledging my negative thougths and I know what I am supposed to be thinking. Where would we be if we had nothing to improve on, right?
My thoughts on my training and performance:
I am so slow. I used to run this 8 mile loop 8 minutes faster. I used to be stronger up this hill. I will never be in the shape I was in when I trained for the Derby Marathon. So and So is running faster than me. Why?
What I should be thinking...
I'll tell you why! It is week 2 of my training program. I was injured. I shouldn't be where I left off several months ago. Why is this stage so hard for me? Gary also reminds me that I have only started endurance training less than 1 year ago. Why can't I be happy with what I have already done this past year? I'm working on just being content that I can actually run again, and enjoying the company of my running buddies. I am doing both, but it's hard for me not to worry about pace all the time. Maybe I should just stop running with a watch.
My thougths on heart rates/monitors:
I did a "fitness test" a few weeks ago and recorded my overall time, avg. heart rate, and max. heart rate for a run of a known distance. I was slower than a snail and my heart rate was higher than I expected. My reaction? I'm slow, out of shape, and fat! Overreact much? Gary and I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy a heart rate monitor last weekend. Did we buy one? No. Why not? Because I don't want one. Why? I don't want to see how slow, out of shape and fat I am! I even told Gary that if training in the right zones meant that I would have to walk some then I was quitting running for good. HAHA, that makes me laugh thinking about how much I can overreact sometimes. Like I am too good to walk. Who do I think I am?
What I should be thinking...
A heart rate monitor is a great tool for training and I should not fear it. So what if I need to walk some? How many times have I read about training according to my aerobic profile. This sometimes (or a lot of the time) means that I need to slow down in training in order to get faster. Why is it so hard for me to apply the theories I know to be true to my own training?
My thoughts on my body image:
Most of the time I know I am not fat. MOST of the time. However, sometimes the bathroom mirror is a funhouse mirror in which I look twice as wide. All of the girls who are faster than me are skinnier than me. If I lost 10 pounds could I run Columbus 10 minutes faster than my previous marathon?
What I should be thinking...
I am not fat. I am a healthy weight. If I lost 10 pounds I might be underweight, probably lose critical muscle mass, and be even slower than I am right now. Not everyone faster than me is skinnier than me, some may be and some may not. I'm a runner and I look good!
Some of my "should be thoughts" are easier said than done, but at least I am acknowledging my negative thougths and I know what I am supposed to be thinking. Where would we be if we had nothing to improve on, right?
7 Comments:
Nikki, You are too cute! You are not slow and you are gorgeous! I love running with you so don't speed up too much! And you can blame ME if the run is slow! We really need to hang out more so we can laugh at each others hysterical fits! We are so mental sometimes we just need someone else to reassure us. Make some small attainable goals for yourself so that you can be thrilled when you surpass them! A few minutes off your marathon pace will really add up over the years! and if you do it all this year there is no where to go but backwards! You are so young, you don't want to peak yet! Enjoy your body, enjoy that you can move. Think of the people who aren't able to. You are beautiful and so sweet! I hope this encourages you! See ya out on the pavement!
what a great post!
it's always good to be aware of what you are thinking, even if it's "negative".
The first step to getting faster would be to accept where you are now. Right now. I like Tara's great suggestion - make small, attainable goals.
And she's right - enjoy your body and that you can move!!!
nikki, thanks for being so candid. we all have these negative thoughts, some just dwell on them longer (as opposed to them being just passing thoughts), myself included. i like to remember i'm not competing with anyone else, just trying to do the best i can myself. i'd be damned! i run 10 minute miles on "fast" runs and about 12 on long slow runs. hundreds of people pass me on my training runs, and i can't feel bad about that, otherwise i'd stop running and miss out on the wonderful gift it is in my life (and those around me, since i'm a much better person to be around when i'm able to put in my distance every week). it's hard not to stress over body image, being a woman. comparing myself to faster (and skinnier) swimmers gave me an eating disorder at age 13. good luck, girl. now get out there, do your best, and feel PROUD of yourself! cheers,
~nattie.
Thanks for the encouragement and support ladies! And thanks for bringing me back down to earth. I really am SO grateful for what running has given me.
Even males have these thoughts! It's amazing how I can look into the mirror and see an extra 15 pounds that no one else can see! Amazing how much power our mind has! Now, only if I could redirect that power!!
I concur with brad, as a cyclist, I am always told how skinny I am, until I look down when riding uphill. I never feel skinny then. One's mind is a very powerful tool. Sometimes we just shouldn't listen...Hope all is well. Cheers!
Hallo! ;)
heh... what crazy news!
what do you consider about it?
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